Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Needed: New Pediatrician

I am feeling a little raw today. Need to shed a tear or two and get some of these jumbled up words in my head sorted out. So, here I am. Be warned. I am feeling raw, angry, and hurt.

Today we had a follow up appointment with Mikail's pediatrician. You know, the one who gave the horrific prognosis after he was born? I have been dreading this appointment. I haven't talked about it with Jason at all over the past few days. I didn't want it to take over my thinking. So, this morning I acted like everything is normal. I told Mikail that we were going to go for a ride in the truck and see a nice doctor. I didn't want him to have any negative feelings about going. Kids pick up on those in us so easily.

When we got there he had a lot of fun with the nurse as he was weighed and measured. Hmmm...22.9 lbs at 10 months 3 weeks old. Eeek. My arms feel it! We waited in the office for the doctor and he had fun walking along the chairs while we waited. As soon as Dr. P entered the room, Mikail started crying. I mean I have NEVER heard him cry like this before. Snot coming out of his nose. Holding onto me in utter fear. Gasping between cries. My baby has NEVER cried like this before. I kept reassuring him that Dr. P was nice and that he was there to help us and make sure we are healthy. The crying kept escalating. Ughh. It always amazes me how babies can sense when something or someone is 'off'. Dr. P is definitely 'off' for Mikail no matter how hard I try to make him sound like he is okay. He stopped crying the minute Dr. P left the room. What does THAT tell you?

Like usual, Dr. P left me feeling like I wasn't doing 'enough' and was doing things 'wrong' AGAIN. Our family doctor (or the one in his place while he is on medical leave) had recommended that we start Mikail on 3% milk at 9 months. Dr. P had a fit.

Dr. P: NEVER give a baby anything but breastmilk or formula until they are 18-24 months. Me: WHAT? Mixed messages.

Dr. P:Is he going from lying down to sitting up?
Me: No.
Dr. P:Is he going from sitting up to standing?
Me: No.
When is this usually expected?
Dr. P:At 6-8 months.
Me: Silence, but in my mind: WHAT?

Why do our physiotherapists and occupational therapists insist he is in the range of normal development for his age? I should have asked Dr. P that.

Thankfully talking to Mom I was reminded that Dr. P is a pediatrician, he takes courses on a vast number of things, where as our physio and occupational therapists are SPECIALIZED. Who would you believe?

Sigh. I feel a tad bit better.

After the 'milk' ordeal and the developmental stuff and the BIG reminder to keep Mikail mobile (what the h-e-double-hockey-sticks do you think we do with him, put him in a straight jacket all day long?) and not in an exersaucer or car seat or swing or baby bouncer (how would he fit in one anyhow?), I once again felt like a complete failure as a Mama.

WE NEED A NEW PEDIATRICIAN. After 11 months of trying to give him the benefit of the doubt, I am DONE.


Anonymous said...

:( That sucks. I hope you can find a new pediatrician that you actually like.

And for what it's worth, anything I've read says that milk is at 12 months, not 18-24..

Melaney said...

After having my parenting judged by my then 5-year old, I reminded him that a bad mother is someone who burns their child on purpose and doesn't feed them for three days. Harsh I know but 3% milk at 9 months or 18 months does not a bad parent make. Whatever power struggles cannot be solved by the doctor on his own time aren't your problem, but sometimes humoring them a little during the appointment helps. Happy searching - it takes a village to raise a child, I hope you're able to find a doctor who can be part of the team.

Iris said...

Thanks, Olivia. Yeah, I read milk can be introduced between 9-12 months depending on how much solid food has been introduced into baby's diet. By 9 months M was eating 3 square meals and 2 snacks a day, so the family doc said he was ready.

Thanks Melaney. It does take a village to raise a child and we are blessed with so many wonderful people in Mikail's village, that having one that is a bit off the wall isn't so bad, hey?

Kristy Jason said...

Good grief, this man needs to take his head out of his ***. I'd like to say something more helpful, but I can't get past the anger. So sorry you're having to deal with this.

Iris said...

Thanks, Kristy. Now that I have 'slept on it' I am better--a little at least. Just have to work on my 'Mama Self Esteem' a little more. ha

Monica said...

Ugh. I'm sorry you had such a useless appointment. I felt kind of like this last time I took my dog to the vet. Not in the same ballpark as taking a child to the doc. Gong show!

It's true, when you start him on milk does not determine your value or effectiveness as mother. And just like reading or potty training, or anything else developmental, he will sit up, stand, do it all on his own time (Hello? If he is anything like you or Jay, he will definitely do it on HIS own time, not when anyone else says he should).

YOU are his mother. Your instinct and beliefs about Mikail and his development are where you can put your trust. You know. You are his MOM. Dr. #$*@ing P (I have been reading entirely too much Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest lately) doesn't have anything on you. :)

Don't you wish you were super witty and had guts and wise cracks to lighten the mood and put the doc in his place. I always wish I had that kind of funny/pushy personality when I get into circumstances like this. I hope when I'm an old lady I won't care so much what people think and I'll tell all the wieners what I think of them, in a funny, witty sort of way.

Iris said...

Okay first of all I love, LOVE the Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest...well I haven't read that one yet but I am on the second book and HOOKED. Looked at the third one at Costco today, but figured I'd wait a bit until I finish the second one. They are soooooooooooo good.

About the useless appointment. I have cried almost all day today and yesterday and Wednesday about it all--and the whole birthing stuff and feeling like a failure and the whole weight thing and feeling like a failure. Anyhow, I emailed some of Mikail's therapists asking for guidance as to where I could go for help in this matter. Basically Dr. @#!*ing P is just that. A complete a**. Upon their recommendation, I made an appointment with my family doctor for May and we will be asking for a new pediatrician. This is not worth my own mental health. I am tired of crying and feeling like this. Can I just say I LOVE Mikail's therapists? I wish I could take them home with me. They have become my own therapists in this whole journey. I will be said when he is discontinued from programing.

Yes, Mikail will do things in his own time...just like his stubborn parents (or as Jason would say 'I am not stubborn, I am strong willed'--whatever---haa).

Wise cracks. Ahhh yes, wish I had those on the ready instead of worrying about what other people think.

I still need to email you back about the Pam England stuff. I LOVE what you wrote. I have thought on it all day. It's been the little bit of sunshine in my day today. THANK YOU.