I am feeling a little raw today. Need to shed a tear or two and get some of these jumbled up words in my head sorted out. So, here I am. Be warned. I am feeling raw, angry, and hurt.
Today we had a follow up appointment with Mikail's pediatrician. You know, the one who gave the horrific prognosis after he was born? I have been dreading this appointment. I haven't talked about it with Jason at all over the past few days. I didn't want it to take over my thinking. So, this morning I acted like everything is normal. I told Mikail that we were going to go for a ride in the truck and see a nice doctor. I didn't want him to have any negative feelings about going. Kids pick up on those in us so easily.
When we got there he had a lot of fun with the nurse as he was weighed and measured. Hmmm...22.9 lbs at 10 months 3 weeks old. Eeek. My arms feel it! We waited in the office for the doctor and he had fun walking along the chairs while we waited. As soon as Dr. P entered the room, Mikail started crying. I mean I have NEVER heard him cry like this before. Snot coming out of his nose. Holding onto me in utter fear. Gasping between cries. My baby has NEVER cried like this before. I kept reassuring him that Dr. P was nice and that he was there to help us and make sure we are healthy. The crying kept escalating. Ughh. It always amazes me how babies can sense when something or someone is 'off'. Dr. P is definitely 'off' for Mikail no matter how hard I try to make him sound like he is okay. He stopped crying the minute Dr. P left the room. What does THAT tell you?
Like usual, Dr. P left me feeling like I wasn't doing 'enough' and was doing things 'wrong' AGAIN. Our family doctor (or the one in his place while he is on medical leave) had recommended that we start Mikail on 3% milk at 9 months. Dr. P had a fit.
Dr. P: NEVER give a baby anything but breastmilk or formula until they are 18-24 months. Me: WHAT? Mixed messages.
Dr. P:Is he going from lying down to sitting up?
Dr. P:Is he going from sitting up to standing?
When is this usually expected?
Dr. P:At 6-8 months.
Me: Silence, but in my mind: WHAT?
Why do our physiotherapists and occupational therapists insist he is in the range of normal development for his age? I should have asked Dr. P that.
Thankfully talking to Mom I was reminded that Dr. P is a pediatrician, he takes courses on a vast number of things, where as our physio and occupational therapists are SPECIALIZED. Who would you believe?
Sigh. I feel a tad bit better.
After the 'milk' ordeal and the developmental stuff and the BIG reminder to keep Mikail mobile (what the h-e-double-hockey-sticks do you think we do with him, put him in a straight jacket all day long?) and not in an exersaucer or car seat or swing or baby bouncer (how would he fit in one anyhow?), I once again felt like a complete failure as a Mama.
WE NEED A NEW PEDIATRICIAN. After 11 months of trying to give him the benefit of the doubt, I am DONE.