I volunteer in the Nursery at our Church a couple of times a month and am starting to wonder whether it is not good for my 'healing Mama heart'. I usually spend the remainder of the day on the verge of tears.
Mikail usually LOVES the nursery and that is why I have been volunteering. So that several times a month he will have the comfort of me being there while he socializes with other kids his age. The other Sundays he is on his own. He needs to learn how to deal with that too. The kids in nursery range from a couple of months old to walking age. This Sunday all of the kids who were in Nursery are all born within a month of each other. Mikail being the oldest.
And yes, the problem is that I start comparing him to these other kids. Some are taking their first steps and are quite verbal already. Others cling to me and I have no clue whether they can walk yet. They are just too scared being away from their parents that they play the cling game so I can't quite tell how far along they are developmentally. I hate it that other workers and other parents do the comparison thing with questions they ask. I hate that I do the comparison thing. I know that this is what parents do. I fall into this trap all the time and I hate that.
There was this sweet little girl six days younger than Mikail in the nursery and she is soooooooooooo mobile and soooooooooooooo verbal. I know. She's a girl. Mikail is a boy. Boys are 'slower'. Ugh. But I still did the comparison thing and boohooed my way through the rest of the day wondering what my little boy's future will hold. Silly, I know. S-I-L-L-Y.
My dear husband reminded me that in his family babies often don't crawl at all and Mikail is army crawling so it's okay. My dear husband reminded me that we were told that our little boy would not be mobile at all. That he would not eat without feeding tubes. NONE of these things have come to pass. My dear husband reminded me that Mikail gets to his milestones on his own schedule, when he is ready, but he always reaches them. He will crawl normally. He will walk. He will talk a blue streak. He IS eating on his own. My dear husband held me and let me 'ugly cry' until I felt better. I love my dear husband.
Today my eyes are dry as sand paper and sore and puffy, but I am reminded of all the wonderful things our miracle baby IS doing:
Here he is tackling the stairs with Opa who came to visit for a few days:
Here he is working on his hand-eye-coordination which was a HUGE battle up until two days ago. Now he is getting it: