Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Seventy Times Seven

June 6, 2O13

My dear Mikail,

I am sitting here at the hospital in the waiting room while you are in the OR under anesthesia having your teeth worked on. Sitting here I see doctors walking by to the doctor's lounge and I saw the doctor that delivered you. He looked at me, but I was just another face in the Hospital to him. He's so much more than 'just' a face to me. Oh the emotions that well up inside of me. Part of me believes that if someone else had delivered you, you wouldn't have had the stroke and the hard time learning to walk and talk. You also would not have been on phenobarbital, causing your teeth to be problematic. The human side of me wants to blame it all on this doctor's decision, yet that is not right. I know he is an excellent doctor. I know that he made the best decision he could at that moment in time. Yet, I am human and I get anxious and my mind fills with less than loving thoughts when this doctor walks by. Jesus commands us to forgive 70 X 7. And it doesn't mean we stop at 490 times. We must forgive over and over and over again. No matter how difficult it is or how hurt or angry we are.

You, Mikail, are YOU and all of these experiences early in life have helped shape you into the little boy you are right now. They have made you a fighter and have made you brave. Without all of this happening you wouldn't be the boy you are right now. You would be different and I don't want to change a thing about you. I love YOU just the way YOU are. So, instead of lingering on the unloving thoughts that sneak up in my heart when I see this doctor, I choose to forgive, the 491st time.

You are only three years old and already you are the most amazing, hard working, joyful, brave little boy I know. You have taught me more in the three years of your life than I ever learned in the 33 years before you came into our lives. Keep your heart open and brave, ready to forgive and always, always on Jesus.

I love you, my handsome boy.
Your Mama forever.

No comments: