June 6, 2O13
My dear Mikail,
I am sitting here at the hospital in the
waiting room while you are in
the OR under anesthesia having your teeth worked on. Sitting here I see
doctors walking by to the doctor's lounge and I saw the doctor that
you. He looked at me, but I was just another face in the Hospital to
him. He's so much more than 'just' a face to me. Oh the emotions that
well up inside of me. Part of me believes that
if someone else had delivered you, you wouldn't have had the stroke and
the hard time learning to walk and talk. You also would not have been
on phenobarbital, causing your teeth to be problematic. The human side
wants to blame it all on this doctor's decision, yet that is not right. I
know he is an excellent doctor. I know that he made the best decision
he could at that moment in time. Yet, I am human and I get anxious and
my mind fills with less than loving thoughts when this doctor walks by.
Jesus commands us to forgive 70 X 7. And it doesn't mean we stop at 490
times. We must forgive over and over and over again. No matter how
difficult it is or how hurt or angry we are.
Mikail, are YOU and all of these experiences early in life have helped
shape you into the little boy you are right now. They have made you a
fighter and have made you brave. Without all of this happening you
wouldn't be the boy you are right now. You would be different and I
don't want to change a thing about you. I love YOU just the way YOU are.
So, instead of lingering on the unloving thoughts that sneak up in my
heart when I see this doctor, I choose to forgive, the 491st time.
You are only three years old and already you are the most amazing, hard
working, joyful, brave little boy I know. You have taught me more in the
three years of your life than I ever learned in the 33 years before you
came into our lives. Keep your heart open and brave, ready to forgive
and always, always on Jesus.
I love you, my handsome boy.
Your Mama forever.